The Literary Giant

or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Alaina

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Location: West Hollywood, California, United States

Friday, September 29, 2006


Matt leaned into me. "Billy Jock informed me that Adidas has come out with a low-top... Tron sneaker."
He told me about the shoe's velcrow and color combination but I just could not be overjoyed by the news. Unfortunately, it was old to me.
"Not just that," I whispered, "but a Tron track suit, too."

I met up with one of the exgirlfriends of one of my exboyfriends after Clap Your Hands Say Yeah! with Architecture in Helsinki. After forty seconds of nausea, I slipped into a special social mode I can only access when I really want someone to love me. She was also speaking quickly, so I reckoned the feeling was mutual. Inherently she and I have something specific in common, but I assumed we would find pleasant small talk and just leave our respective [but similar] messes unreferenced.

Then she said, "Yeah, so I haven't been to a concert in a month because I don't want to bump into David."
"It can be pretty dangerous."
"Ha, dangerous. You could say that."
This was only the beginning of our broken heart-to-broken heart and I'd already run out of things to say. Anyway, I like bumping into Rocawear at concerts. I'm always drunk and he's always had too many energy drinks. We make fun of each other before the headlining act and then we separate for the rest of the show. It was only twelve hours ago but I've already forgotten why she told me what he said when he broke up with her.
"He said, I've Learned Everything I Can From You, And Now I Need To Go On My Own To Learn More."
"Hey, me too," I yelled, gesturing for a high five.
"I know," she returned with a hand slap. "I thought it was so funny when I found out that he used the same line. It doesn't even make sense, like, I wasn't even upset."
I wanted to say that it was kind of a good line. It's bewildering and confusing, but it also doesn't offend and leaves no room for debate; it stupidly, precisely cuts the string. Instead I said, "So, I hear you owe him money."

[I can't imagine the effect I desired but I didn't get it. I just made her a little nervous. It does sound funny in re-tell, though.]


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